Finding Authenticity and Fearless Love After 40 with Junie Moon

Ever found yourself questioning if the life you've meticulously built is truly what brings you joy?

When Junie Moon graced our show with her story of breaking free and finding empowerment post-40, it sparked an essential conversation about the pursuit of authenticity and love in life's second act.

Together, we peel back the layers of societal expectations that have muted our true desires, sharing how past hurts can shackle our hearts and restrict our potential for deep connections.

Junie's transformation from a confined marriage to embracing a life of next-level love is not just inspiring; it's a roadmap for anyone feeling the tug to redefine their narrative.

Encountering a mentor can be a watershed moment in anyone's life, as I learned firsthand. The guidance and support of a wise soul who's trodden the path can illuminate the way forward through the fog of unmet needs and relationship micromanagement that often stems from fear.

The tales and lessons shared in our heartfelt exchange underline the salient power of vulnerability and self-truth, with stories of those who've dared to embrace their true selves and in doing so, discovered a love and connection that's nothing short of fearless.

As the curtains close on a session that dives into the evolving landscape of intimacy and relationships after 40, we leave with hearts full and minds buzzing with possibilities.

We reflect on the changes in our desires, the profound shifts in our approach to sex and connection, and how self-knowledge is the bedrock of joy.

 So here's to the thrill of what lies ahead, to the pleasures of self-discovery, and to a life that's rich with the promise of midlife love shouted out loud!

Junie Moon
CEO of Midlife Love Out Loud, a Global Love Mentor, #1 Amazon Best-selling author of Loving the Whole Package: Shed the Shame and Live Life Out Loud, Award Winning Speaker, Shadow Work® Coach, creator of the Shed the Shame documentary short (Official Selection at Newark International Film Festival) and host of the Midlife Out Loud podcast.

Take the 2-Minute Quiz to discover your Love Avatar:

https://midlifeloveoutloud.com/quiz/

- Find out your level of Relationship Readiness

- Discover your Love Superpower

- Experience long-lasting healthy love sooner!

https://www.facebook.com/midlifeloveoutloud

Your host:

Tarisha Tourok is the founder of the Sexually Empowered Radiant Woman movement where women learn how to become radiant, confident and own the power and beauty of their sexuality no matter their size, shape, age or race.

FREE WEBINAR: Women Over 40: Discover 5 Keys to Unlock Your Desire So You Enjoy Heart-Melting Intimacy

This is perfect for women who are in a relationship and feel frustrated with their love life, are single and don't want to repeat past hurtful patterns where they lose themselves and their voice, and women who want to feel confident expressing their longings and desires

Join Free Online where you'll learn 5 obstacles to your desire and 5 actionable strategies to activate your desire so you stop feeling frustrated with your love life www.shedesires.live

Visit our website at www.radiantwoman.co.nz to join the Radiant Woman movement.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

And so we get to 40, 50 and we're like, okay, I have done all the right things in quotes for those of you that are listening and I'm not happy. Do I really want to keep going with this kind of life, unable to really let somebody into my heart, to be able to see me truly into me, see intimacy? If we have walls around our hearts and we have a lot because of our hearts being heard or betrayed or people laughed, it sets us up for a very small life and that gets us through. We will survive, we'll function. Huh, do we really want to just survive or do we really want to thrive and have a magnificent life? And that's what I stand for, because I truly believe we all deserve.

Speaker 2: 0:44

Welcome to the Radiant Woman podcast, where women learn how to become radiant, confident and own the power and beauty of their sexuality, no matter their size, shape, age or race. Your host is Tereza Turok. Visit our website at wwwradientwomanconz to join the Radiant Woman movement. I would love to hear you with us. Hi everyone.

Speaker 2: 1:09

So today I'm so excited to be talking to Juni Moon and she's from Midlife Love Out Loud. I love this idea that after Midlife, after 40s, we actually come to the fullest expression of who we are, and Juni really helps women specifically to connect to themselves, to be who they really are and find their next level. Today we're going to be talking a lot about how they actually can connect to yourself and how can you be more authentically yourself, and that's what's exactly going to help you to attract the deeper love after 40s, and maybe you can create a deeper love with your current partner. It doesn't mean that you need to change your partner, yeah, and maybe it's time to attract a new partner for you. So please listen to the episode, and Juni is going to share about the shadows that hold us from being fully who we are. That's when we start repeating the patterns. That's when we start to live in the dissatisfied life. We also talk a lot about how living the small life, the restricted life, is, in a way, comfortable and it's familiar, but actually it stops us from living fully. And, as you know, we're not getting any younger and it's just so sad when we stay feeling what's safe, what's familiar and we don't go for what we really want, we don't really go for our fulfillment.

Speaker 2: 2:38

And I totally believe, and Juni believes, that it's our time to actually unleash ourselves, to become fully who we came here to be and truly have the love affair with ourselves and then create those deeper connections with other people. So do listen to this episode. I really enjoyed being with Juni and if you are listening just to the audio, you can see Juni's eyes, but her eyes go so bright and light and so full of passion when she talks about it. So, yeah, enjoy this episode. Okay, yes, juni, so nice to hear you here and I just wonder how you got to do what you're doing. Just want to know a bit more about you, sure?

Speaker 1: 3:19

Sure, well, like a lot of people, I was struggling and not feeling fulfilled in my marriage. I was walking on eggshells, not being able to really speak my truth, and I shoved a lot of my myself down and I ate a lot of food and I thought I had a food problem when I hit 200 pounds and I just was really shut off from my truth and my authentic self. And I found a body of work called Shadow Work that literally opened my eyes to what I didn't have access to anymore, what belief systems I had taken on. I mean, I had done a lot of therapy. I knew a ton about, oh yes, my mom had some control issues and my dad maybe was too passive and my dad died, so I had a band to mend issues. I mean, I heard a stoodle, yeah, but I did.

Speaker 1: 4:16

But I was suffering so much and I was so scared of losing my husband and yet he was a bully, so I was really scared of him and and yeah, you know talking about intimacy and feeling desired and all that I mean it was just all out the window.

Speaker 1: 4:32

And so I found this body of work. It completely shifted internally, not just from my head but in my body and in my bones about what is possible for me, and I got my confidence back. I got my clarity back, I was able to really be me again and, sadly, the marriage didn't last for still friends. However, I went on to have what I call next level love, where I was able to really be met and be honored and, you know, meet heart to heart, soul to soul and have beautiful intimacy and delicious moments. And and I knew that that was a message that I wanted to share with everybody across the board, even though I specialize in women in the second half of life that potentially are single or wanting to have deeper love with their partners that they have we can start earlier.

Speaker 2: 5:18

We can start in the first half of life. We have to wait, right, right. All of that, all of that.

Speaker 1: 5:26

So yeah, so I just, I just knew I had a it. It changed my life. I have an amazing life. I don't even recognize the person I used to be, and yet the person I used to be helped me get here, and so that's that's why I do the work I do.

Speaker 2: 5:41

Beautiful and but because that's the thing, that's the fear women have is like if I start shifting things in myself, I might have to let go of my relationship, and so it's better to get stuck and stay stuck together. But you know right, Because you had to do that.

Speaker 1: 5:58

Yeah, Well, that's the thing is, we get comfortable with what we know. We get comfortable with our discomfort because it's territory that we think we have some control over, because we know the landscape, even if it's painful. And I know a lot of people that you know I speak to. They say that sounds like scary work, that sounds like hard work.

Speaker 1: 6:19

Oh my God, I'm going to look at things that I didn't even know were there. And I said, well, I think it's way more scary not knowing what's calling the shots and having you in your pain, and it's like the idea of the monster underneath the bed. Mommy, mommy, it's middle of the night, Mommy, mommy, there's a monster under the bed, and then she turns on the lights and you see there's nothing under the bed. It was just, yeah, it was like all that fear and and so when I work with people, I have them kind of sit between the suffering and what they know and what they want and the risk we say risk a lot in this work because it may or may not happen the risk to look at some things and actually change and heal and kind of go well, how do I want my life to be? Do I want to keep having this price that I'm paying for living a small life or not having the delicious life or whatever it is To let me really claim this second stage of life awake and by choice?

Speaker 2: 7:23

Because that's a really difficult kind of choice for women, because what I see them do is like we stand in front of the tunnel almost, and we kind of stand on this side and we're even scared, like we're scared to go through it and we're totally not aware of what's going to happen on the other side. So it's almost like if we can't dream big on this side, it's like what's the point of me going into that scary place? And it's that's, I think that's the biggest difficulty I see with women actually, because when they're scared, when they decide to go through that, things start to shift and flow. But actually taking this first step is so I don't know what would you like? How to give women that it's not too scary. It's like a monster under the bed, but it still might come up.

Speaker 1: 8:08

Yeah, yeah, and you just said the magic word, which is one step, because there's a part inside of us that's assessing everything. Am I gonna be okay? This sounds really scary. My life is gonna blow up. And this part I call it the risk manager is constantly making decisions so that nothing bad happens, and we need that part. However, it tends to exaggerate. We're wired as human beings for survival, and so when I start to have a conversation with people and we're talking now about well, that's so scary, how do you get people started I talk to their risk manager.

Speaker 1: 8:44

We do a very special process where I help that part of them that's scared of the unknown see that they don't have to jump off a cliff and do something dramatic, that they can consciously, slowly and decide which steps to take so that they don't blow up their life, so that they feel in charge of the unfolding instead of just entering a black, dark tunnel and not knowing where you're gonna go. So it is a first step and it starts with really dropping into. I'm not happy with where I'm at. There's a price I'm paying with my choices, or who I'm partnered with, or how I allow myself to receive an open, or how much work. I'm doing All the you know, whatever the challenge is to be able to drop into the pain of this isn't the kind of life I'm wanting.

Speaker 1: 9:38

And then the mystery. And, of course, again, human beings. We don't like mystery. It's like, ah scary, don't wanna go there. And so if we could learn with support, because why should we do it alone? I didn't do it alone. I had a wonderful mentor that held my hand and said let's take the first step. And then I was like, oh okay, oh okay. And then I learned how to do it for myself, and that's what I offered other people. Now I say I have the flashlight, I have the love flashlight and I will guide the way through the tunnel. You don't have to do it alone, cause it is scary to do it alone and we can't do it alone, in my opinion.

Speaker 2: 10:18

Yeah, yeah, and so that's kind of really being aware of the cost, right, and, as you say, for you the cost was the overweight and the kind of what else, kind of the cause that women can relate to. Yeah, I mean, I was micromanaging everything in my marriage.

Speaker 1: 10:36

I was so afraid to express my needs, my wants, cause I was afraid of his judgment, I was afraid of his criticism. That was the history. You just handle everything, don't be too vulnerable. And so I didn't get my needs met. I certainly didn't get my intimacy needs met, because I wasn't able to really relax and receive. I thought I had to do all these things for him, then he'd be satisfied, then he would stay it. Just, I was so outside in, frustrating, yes, and very unfulfilling, and again not being able to just be myself and relax. It wasn't-.

Speaker 2: 11:13

It's a painful because that's why it's kind of it gets. It's such a painful place, but somehow we're so familiar with it and there's a sense of comfort in it. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:24

Yeah, and it gets that's the wiring you know. I mean in the body of work that I've been trained in. It's the classic shadow work facilitation track that I was on, and we say that the first 40 years 40, we're figuring it all out, and typically we're figuring out how to fit in, how to be loved, how to make sure we don't hurt anybody. And we look at the outside, in what is society telling us, what are our parents telling us, what are the teachers telling us? We're just sponges.

Speaker 1: 11:56

And so we get to 40, 50, and we're like okay, I have done all the right things in quotes for those of you that are listening and air quotes and I'm not happy. Do I really want to keep going with this kind of life, unable to really let somebody into my heart, to be able to see me, truly into me, see intimacy? If we have walls around our hearts and we have a lot, you know, because of our hearts being hurt or betrayed or people laughed it sets us up for a very small life and that gets us through. We will survive, We'll function, huh. But do we really want to just survive or do we really want to thrive and have a magnificent life? And that's what I stand for, because I truly believe we all deserve. It's our birthright to have beautiful love, just being ourselves, not having to jump through hoops, yeah that's the like.

Speaker 2: 12:56

It's kind of it's not funny, but it's when women I do this work with women, right, and we do this so much work, and so much work and by the end of it they come. I can just be me.

Speaker 1: 13:05

I can just be me. How freeing, oh my God. Right, like what I could just be me. Be yourself and love it. And if somebody isn't really liking how you are, then okay, no worries, I'm good. I mean, that's one of the things when I work with people that are single, I say, when you put yourself out there, if you're not being fully yourself, if you're putting a mask on, they don't really get to know you and it takes a lot of effort to hide and it hurts to hide. When you take that mask off and you're able to really have that agency and just be like this is who I am, it's so much more fun to date. It's so much more fun to connect with people and they get to see you and guess what? They lower their masks as well because they feel that safety, because you're modeling it.

Speaker 2: 13:57

That's a big piece how we come into the prison, and so I show myself and you show yourself to me more.

Speaker 1: 14:02

Yeah, you show me you, I'll show you me you. Yeah, it goes way back, yeah, and this is all in service for survival. Again, you know, I mean we're bumping up against our human wiring, our human wiring, our negative bias. We need to make sure that we don't get hurt so that we're not kicked out of the tribe, because if you're kicked out of the tribe and that's eons ago you don't survive in the wilderness. It's still inside of us. So we are bumping up against some of our human wiring and then life, and it is challenging. And, with that said, once you see something differently, you can't unsee it, and when you can feel just relaxed inside of yourself and enjoy it, it's such a delicious place to be.

Speaker 2: 14:55

I love that's where you say it again. I was like just the delicious life. So can you tell us kind of your life right now, what's the delicious pieces of your life right now? Can you tell us a story about kind of how it is like what's on the other side of the tunnel?

Speaker 1: 15:09

Well, the word that just comes up for now is fearless. Fearless, loving being able to be so open, because then I have so much connection with everyone I come in contact with, anybody that's in my life, my circle, my intimate connections. It's just, it's real. I actually prefer to even tell you a story about one of my clients, because this is just so fresh off the press. Because when she first came to me she said to me it's been two, three years of not dating and she really, really wanted to be out there and meet a partner. She had been in a sexless marriage, felt really uncomfortable about opening to a new partner and she really wanted somebody. But she kept sabotaging herself Every time she put herself online. She would eat a lot of food and then she would be bloated and then she would feel sad.

Speaker 1: 16:12

So, anyway, she came to me, we started working together and she had this huge breakthrough a couple sessions in huge breakthrough, where she realized it and she looked at me her eyes like literally wide open. Because when she remembered this, she said to me is this why I'm like this? Because she had a memory that she had totally forgotten that when she was 15, 16, I don't remember. It's been a few years now, 15, 16. And her father really shamed her about her interest in going out with boys, really made her feel ugly and slutty and all the things that a young woman could feel when a father is shaming her. And so she shut that part down and ended up being in a sexless marriage, something that she even drew that in. And so when she said, I really wanted to go out there again and I'm not doing it, what is that? And she remembered that memory. We did a piece of work around it so that she could release that belief of being a bad girl and really owning this new stage of her life. And so for the first year after that breakthrough, she went right into another relationship that was wonderful and fun and great sex and having a blast.

Speaker 1: 17:29

And then, after working with me, she realized he really wasn't the Mr Right forever. It was more Mr Right now. But it opened it up, her up, and then she met the man of her dreams. She met her soulmate. I just talked to her a couple of weeks ago and it's been, I think, about a year and a half. She let me know a year and a half, maybe even two years, that she's met this magical partner that she can just relax and open to. So she didn't know what was in shadow, she didn't know the blind spots, she just knew that she was holding herself back. And delicious is an understatement, because she shared some things about her relationship.

Speaker 1: 18:09

Now, and it's just. This is why I do the work I do, because when we break through these, when we see the blind spots and break through some of these, these old belief systems the BS, as I call it, belief systems and really own consciously what's possible, then we are high-vibing, we're attracting a very different quality man, quality partner. And for those of my clients that are partnered already because some women do find me that are in relationships already they dive even deeper with those partners and I've had people actually come back with partners because now they have their sense of worthiness and their healthy boundaries, which allows them to say, hey, what about us? And I mean that'd be a delicious outcome. So there's a lot on the other side if we're willing to lean in, not jump off a cliff, but lean in and say is there something else that I can call into my life? Is there a way I can be more fulfilled and be willing to be curious. I love the word curiosity. Be curious of what might shift inside of you so you can actually experience it.

Speaker 2: 19:22

How do you see, if we talk about sexuality, that when we're not ourselves and when we're here for all these constrictions, because sometimes women come to me and they say, well, I just I lost it. And quite often they believe, because I'm after 40, because I'm in a puzzle, then I don't have the sexual desire. So what do you experience with that?

Speaker 1: 19:47

You know it's a mixed bag, so let's just speak to that. There's something to be said about menopause, or something to be said about hormonal challenges and people's yonis closing up or drying up. I mean, I've had challenges with dryness and some discomfort, and there's some really good things out there made by women. I mean, I use the V fit V as in Victor fit and that's an internal device that helps support the tissues and there are things you can do as well as hormonal support and eating and exercise. So that's one thing. So there's some reality to our bodies changing, our libidos changing. I mean, sometimes I go, hey, hello, are you there? So my desire is different than it used to be. However, it's still there and I, you know a dear friend of mine, sherry Winston I don't know if you know Sherry's work, do you know, sherry?

Speaker 2: 20:45

Yeah, so yeah.

Speaker 1: 20:47

So she's a dear friend of mine and I remember her saying years ago that if you don't use it, you lose it. And so another thing is to keep the wheel turning. Keep greasing the wheel, because our bodies do change. And if you're not in a partnership, allow yourself to give yourself pleasure, allow yourself to be intimate with yourself, and if that's something that's uncomfortable, you haven't done that. And trust me when I say I'm a late bloomer in that department too, and sometimes, because I'm not as ooh, I'm feeling the desire I need to say let's give myself some time, let's make some time for myself to give myself some pleasure, so that the wheel keeps turning and it's more challenging to get it back when you've let it go dormant, but you still can. And there's something also to be said about feeling safe and allowing yourself to open to a partner and to have really good dialogue.

Speaker 1: 21:51

So many of the women in fact I would say most people have a really hard time being vulnerable in their sharing of what works for them, what makes them feel good, in their pleasure, and so having good communication with partners.

Speaker 1: 22:10

I can say that I've had amazing. Delicious seems to be the word today, delicious Cause I usually don't use that word, it's so funny. I mean delicious if I'm eating a meal. So I've had amazing erotic, sensual, expansive intimacy in the second half of my life that I didn't have in the first half, because I'm able to relax and enjoy and I am with a partner that I can be with, that I can share with, that I'm not scared or I need to shut down and most people don't know how to do that and they get into another relationship and they bring their bag of beliefs, their bag of trauma and if they're not in a safe container, a safe place for them to share, that it's gonna be more bumpy. So the long and short of it is the second half of life. Whether in menopause or not, whether you have low libido or not, or whether your yoni is having some challenges or not, you can have really potent, beautiful pleasure.

Speaker 2: 23:16

Yes, that's, yeah, that's for me, that's the experience because they smother me here and I feel so much more connected than I'm, more connected to the partner, and then it just the energy is so deliciously overwhelming. It's quite a bit, but what I love is that because quite often women is like, okay, because it's up to my partner, and oh, I'm single, and when the partner arrives then it's all gonna happen. But actually it's not. And I really love what you say right, we have to use, we actually have to be connected to our sexual energy and we can't just expect our partners to turn us on, because then we keep on waiting and being frustrated and disappointed. So actually that we need to turn the wheels and actually really be here with ourselves and feel that energy partner to partner.

Speaker 1: 24:03

Yeah, and knowing what makes us happy, knowing how our bodies work and what gives us pleasure.

Speaker 1: 24:08

Like I said, I'm a late bloomer and I kept expecting the guys to know what to do and how to touch me in a certain way, and I struggled with orgasm, and I still do to some extent. I mean, this is something I'm still ongoing with and what I've learned is my pleasure is my pleasure, my orgasm is my orgasm. If they don't know how to touch me, it's my job to say over there, softer, faster, this way, that way, whatever. That it's taking back my power and also giving myself pleasure and knowing my body without a partner. When people come to me and work with me, I say great, let's get you out there. And first let's have you be your own soulmate, let's have you connect more deeply to what brings you the most joy, cause if you don't know, how the heck are they gonna know? And sadly, so many men have learned about intimacy through porn or nothing, just experimentation with women that didn't tell them what they like or what they don't like, and everybody has their own journey.

Speaker 2: 25:19

Well, what'd you say? Recipe for failure yeah, yeah, the blind leading the blinds.

Speaker 1: 25:26

Yeah, yeah. So there's a lot of opportunity. And have you been watching the Golden Bachelor, by any chance? A lot of people have been. So I don't usually watch, well, Network TV I usually don't watch, but I don't watch reality shows, but I was pulled into the. Do you know what it is? The Golden Bachelor, oh, okay. So have you ever heard of the Bachelor? Maybe you haven't heard of the Bachelor. Okay, you haven't heard of the Bachelor?

Speaker 1: 25:52

Well, this is the first time they got an older man. I think he was 70, 71, 70, he's always 70. So, compared to the other younger generation and all the women are in their 60s and 70s, and so I've been watching. It's been really great. It's still reality TV, but it's really great because it's a different stage of life, different stage of a different conversations. He's a widow, a widower, and he was talking to a widow and like the things that they went through. However, one of the things he said the other night was something about we're older, we go slower, there's a different type of intimacy, there's a different journey, Bodies are different and, again, different experiences. He hasn't had sex in a long time because his wife died, and maybe somebody else hasn't either. So there's not a hey babe, let's just jump into bed. There's hopefully a little bit more gentleness and consciousness and an openness about the journey and I know again, that's true for me.

Speaker 1: 26:56

I used to love my booty calls. If I was single, I had people to call. I usually had one or two like yo, let's have some fun tonight. It's just not who I am anymore. I wanna be with somebody that I can truly relax with and connect with, not just for the sexual escapades. That's not to say that there's anything wrong with that, because, trust me, I've had my share and it's a lot of fun. Just not where I'm at and I'd rather say, oh, I do need some extra time there and I do wanna go slowly. And I you know cause if someone were to throw me on the bed and decide to jump on me, that would friggin hurt Like yeah, no, I'm not 20 anymore at my back. Please don't do that.

Speaker 2: 27:41

So there's this piece of changing right, because we're changing and what we want is changing. It's not what I talk about. It's like we just want something different on the menu. We don't want fast food anymore. We become more, you know, one with good wine and like really yummy food. And there's something to do with, I find, is actually and as you speak about that is that bringing the heart into sexuality, because when we're younger, we can have sexualities connected from the heart and it's fun sometimes, right, but as we age, it's almost like our hearts want to be part of it.

Speaker 1: 28:14

I'm missing what you're saying. The heart, the heart, our heart, oh, the heart, thank you. I'm like, what is she talking about? Yes, the heart, and that's where I hang my hat. And so, you know, when I ended a relationship, I had a. I was talking to an ex-boyfriend and I was like you know, sure, come on over. And we had an evening. And when I tell you, that was the last time I had the booty call, because there wasn't that connection, there wasn't. Well, we had a nice heart connection, but it wasn't the heart. Heart, deep connection that I would want right.

Speaker 1: 28:57

And then the next thing I know my leg is being pulled up and he's all over me and I'm like whoa, whoa, I'm getting a cramp. And it was just. It was so aggressive and years ago that would have been really exciting, but no, and I didn't want to put any energy into that.

Speaker 2: 29:14

So again, we need to know what we want, kind of the softness as you talk.

Speaker 1: 29:20

Right, right, it's like oh, and that's not to say I don't want to have some really hot, raunchy sex, but I want it with, like a deep dive partner. So we need to know who we are, we need to know what we want, we need to know our bodies and we need to be able, in my opinion, to give ourselves that pleasure, and that goes across the board, not just with our bodies, but what brings us joy in our lives. Because my clients come to me and I say look, your partner might be here in a month, a year, five years, 10 years. Do you really want to wait for that partner to enjoy your life? Let's build this magnificent second half of life filled with delicious joy, delicious meals, not the McDonald's. Have the meal that is rich and beautiful, don't wait.

Speaker 2: 30:15

Yeah, because that's the truth, right, we've been waiting. It's almost like I felt like before 40, I was feeling like my life is going to start and it's all going to come together and so going to be. And then I turned 40 and was like, oh, my life is right here, right now. There's no more waiting. Like, what am I waiting for?

Speaker 1: 30:35

Right, and the older we get, the more people that die or get sick, and it's very humbling. And then there's that moment of my life is really important and every moment is precious and I live from that place most of the time. The preciousness Most of the time.

Speaker 2: 30:57

I think that's why the second half can be even more intense and fulfilling, because we recognize the preciousness. There's not much more time to waste. It's actually happening right here, right now.

Speaker 1: 31:11

I think so. I really think so. We know better and, if we're lucky enough, we've done some emptying out of the stuff that doesn't serve us, and that's why I love what I do, because some people come to me in their 50s and 60s and say I really have not lived and I don't want to continue doing what I'm doing without a partner, without the joy, without having the confidence or even the ability to feel fulfilled on a regular basis. And so many people will say to me I'm living a half life.

Speaker 2: 31:45

It's like ouch.

Speaker 1: 31:47

It's like ouch Right ouch ouch and they're willing to then stretch in the name of what's possible and because they see where I've come from and how I am, they want to know more because it's possible and I have so many clients that are just living such beautiful lives because they honor their lives, and then of course, they attract a partner if they want to, that meets them in that place and then game on. It's quite extraordinary, yeah.

Speaker 2: 32:22

Beautiful and maybe just a couple of words, because we've talked about the shadow kind of far, but if you can define it a bit and kind of maybe give an example so people know what actually it is, yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1: 32:35

So, yeah, I love your work, and what that means is I help people identify what they can't see, what's in shadow, what are some of the blind spots that have been created because of concern, of pain. So, if you were a kid and you had a parent that was very aggressive and maybe you know dad was beating up mom, you and very aggressive with words and energy and anger you might have said anger is bad, I never want to be an angry person. You took that aspect, anger and threw it in shadow and kind of put it behind you and said, all right, I'm never going to be angry. And what is birth is a people pleaser, somebody who's never going to express themselves, never going to set boundaries, because that is kind of in the same energy as anger. And so shadow work says well, you're absolutely right, you don't want to use shadowy anger that hurts people. That's mean spirited. However, inside the energy of anger is the ability to speak your truth and set boundaries and to be able to express yourself authentically. So shadow work helps people shine a light on what they've lost access to, why they're saying things they don't mean or having behaviors that are sabotaging, why they can't open up their heart.

Speaker 1: 34:01

So, again, walls around the heart is such a common thing. People always say, oh my God, I have a wall around my heart, I have a shield around my heart. Well, if there's a wall around your heart, what might be in shadow? Vulnerability, being able to be open? And somewhere along the way, maybe someone got really hurt and said wow, I never want to get hurt again, I'm never going to be weak or vulnerable, ever again. So I'm going to build a fortress. When they come to me, right, the fortress, the moat, the guards there's nobody coming into this part. There's lots of weapons, lots of weapons. And so I say well, you can have your weapons and you can have your guards for the people that you need to keep out. Let's get that discernment, let's get a healthier warrior energy so that you can have the ability to say no and yes.

Speaker 1: 34:58

And so we take back our shadows one by one, so that you can have access to all aspects of your human beingness. Like there's nothing wrong with any of us, it's just we've been wired and conditioned by our culture that has a saying. I better not be like that and I better show up like this, otherwise I'll get hurt or I won't be loved. So shadow work, our special process, is to help people really claim consciously what they truly want to be in their life, how they want to speak, knowing their value, being able to dance with fear, even though fear is not necessarily comfortable.

Speaker 1: 35:36

However, not the suffering. Being able to say okay, I'm a little sad right now, or a lot sad right now, but I'm not going to hang my hat there. Being able to move through our emotions as guides, instead of taking us out of our life and sitting in front of Netflix and seeing hours of our life go by because we're numbing out. So that's what shadow work is. Shadow is the disowned part of ourselves, and shadow work helps people take back and own all the aspects that live inside of you.

Speaker 2: 36:11

Yeah, beautiful, and it's quite ironic how we so won't love, and but when we're not ourselves, it's really difficult, how we can't love what's not authentic, what's not vulnerable, and that's the irony of it. We're trying and trying, I'm going to please and be my best self, but that doesn't get us love.

Speaker 1: 36:34

I had another client that came to me and she had a story. She was like nobody has ever loved me and all these guys they say they love me but they're all liars. She had, like, really strong beliefs and we did some work together and she discovered she didn't love herself and she did not take care of herself and she didn't feel lovable, valuable, and so how can she believe anybody that says I love you or you're beautiful or lovable, if she didn't believe it? So when she was able to finally get in tune with wait a second, I really am special and I do have gifts and talents and and beautiful things that I can bring to a relationship, that's when she met her love of her life and that's when things changed for her. So we have to start with our self first. We have to learn about who we are and cherish ourselves, because not only do we then have an extraordinary life, people will see us differently, we will be shining our unique self that no one else can.

Speaker 2: 37:44

I can see it shining through you. You're like you have so much passion there, so I wondered what would be like if you connect to listeners right now and just check in. What would be your message, kind of your final words to them.

Speaker 1: 37:59

Final words Heart. Well, the first thing that just came to my mind Because of our times, there's so much hatred and fear and craziness in the world not that there's ever a time when there isn't and yet things seem really divisive and people are just yeah. So what comes to mind is the more we love, the more the hatred and the fear disappears, and that's not something we can think our way through. I really truly believe that every heart that is healed and knows how lovable you are, every person you come in contact with you will see differently. That's been my truth.

Speaker 1: 38:49

I used to judge the heck out of everybody and I used to really have strong fortress around my heart, and when I became softer with myself and honored myself and realized I'm a human being that has had some challenges and losses and pain and had deep compassion for myself, I was then able to see it in others. And so I think my final message is if we really sort of the Gandhi, if you want to, you know, be the change you want to see in the world, and I think if we really want to have more peace and love and beauty in the world and save our planet, it starts with us Clean out our own house first, before we judge somebody else's house. So my last message is love yourself, and if you don't really know what that is or you're out of alignment with taking care of yourself, it's time, because then your kids, your family, your community, your pets, every being you come in contact with, will be different because of your radiance, your love.

Speaker 2: 40:00

Beautiful yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1: 40:03

One part of the time. Yeah, that's yeah, yeah. When I was a kid, I always thought I was going to be an activist. I was going to, you know, be on stages and have these big signs, and you know, that's not my nature. And I realized if I can heal one heart, that trickles out into the world. And I'm very lucky to be able to have the honor of healing lots of hearts and being on this platform to share this message. So yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2: 40:32

Beautiful. And so, jimmy, how can people find you?

Speaker 1: 40:36

Well, I go by midlife love out loud. That's my handle pretty much everywhere. That's on Instagram. My website is midlife love out loud. My podcast is midlife love out loud. So the easiest ways to go to midlife love out loud and there's actually even a quiz there called discover your love avatar, which is such a fun quiz where you you get to answer some really solid questions about how you view love and how you're showing up in your life, and then you get a full report on your superpower because everybody has a love superpower and where you might have some challenges, and I'll give you some next steps on how to really call in next level love in whatever way that you desire.

Speaker 2: 41:21

Thank you.

Speaker 1: 41:22

You're welcome.

Speaker 2: 41:23

I feel there's so much. It's so nice to feel the resonance and the ease, and then I feel the same way.

Speaker 1: 41:29

I feel the same way. This has been very, very sweet, very sweet. It's delicious.

Speaker 2: 41:36

Delicious, yes, delicious. Listen to this. I'll be with you next week. Big, big hug. Bye.