When Love Turns Into Roommates: Reconnecting Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships with Dr Jessica Higgins

Couples often wait years before getting support, then wonder why it feels so hard. In this episode, I’m joined by Dr Jessica Higgins to talk about the patterns that quietly take over long-term love, and how to shift them before you become flatmates with a mortgage and a “fine” relationship.

We explore what a conscious intimate relationship actually means, why therapy is not a sign you’re failing (it’s a sign you’re learning), and how sex and desire after 40 isn’t about “trying harder”, it’s about coming back into your body.

In this episode:

• Why couples often seek help years after the pattern starts (and the “broken arm seven years ago” metaphor)
• The pursuer-withdrawer cycle and how it feeds disconnection
• Why having a skilled third person (therapy) helps your nervous system tolerate the hard stuff
• Sex as connection, vitality, and aliveness (not another task on the list)
• Why emotional safety matters, but erotic energy also needs risk, honesty, and “more of you”
• The Wheel of Consent and getting clear on giving vs receiving

Links & Resources:

• Dr Jessica Higgins: https://drjessicahiggins.com
• Empowered Relationships podcast: https://drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/
• Betty Martin, Wheel of Consent: https://bettymartin.org
  
  

Dr Jessica also shares her work with couples, including an intimate Couples Adventure Retreat in Banff, Canada (September 2026).

Your host:

Tarisha Tourok is the founder of the Sexually Empowered Radiant Woman movement where women learn how to become radiant, confident and own the power and beauty of their sexuality no matter their size, shape, age or race.

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FREE WEBINAR: Women Over 40: Discover 5 Keys to Unlock Your Desire So You Enjoy Heart-Melting Intimacy

This is perfect for women who are in a relationship and feel frustrated with their love life, are single and don't want to repeat past hurtful patterns where they lose themselves and their voice, and women who want to feel confident expressing their longings and desires

Join Free Online where you'll learn 5 obstacles to your desire and 5 actionable strategies to activate your desire so you stop feeling frustrated with your love life https://www.sexualempowermentforwomen.com

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